To Live and Love Without Fear

“By all means, go out into the world and explore with your heart. Fall in and out of love until your hands are libraries of all the people they have touched. Before long, we all learn, right down to our bones, that some people are hostels, and others are home.” - Beau Taplin

I am totally aware of how lucky I am to be able doing things I love, but sometimes you don’t realise how far you’ve come until you open social media and Facebook reminded you what you did this time last year. Last August 2018 I was in Myanmar exploring Inle Lake and Mandalay for 10 days. It was so good to be back in one of my favourite countries, even though funny story I was going through a little heartbreak and just about to embark on new adventure. So I thought the only way to fix my broken heart and heal was just simply traveling. Go somewhere, pick up the camera, explore and create. Heartbreak, growth, and change can be extremely hard and painful but no matter how bad the situation is, don’t let it bring you down. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. You always have the power to get up and rise again. Carrie Fisher said “take your broken heart, make it into art” , so that’s exactly what I do. There’s nothing more badass than a woman who picks herself up and move on. She put herself first and continue building herself. This is not just about boys but life in general. The next time you find yourself surrounded by people who don’t appreciate what you’ve done or treat you less than what you deserve, you gotta choose yourself and move on. I remember I met bunch of beautiful souls in Myanmar, from a strong woman/mom from Argentina to an independent artist from New York. Surrounded by these strong women and of course beautiful Burmese, I found my strength and eventually fell in love again. I was more than ready to leave my little comfort zone and see what life has in store for me. Excited to live and love without fear. Fast-forward almost 12 months later, I don’t think words can explain how travel has helped me mature, grow and embrace change.

Perhaps one of the best things about my big adventure this time is I have all the space and time I need to reinvent myself again. From Hawaii to California, I found myself once again trying to figure out how to get an opportunity in the entertainment industry. Even though I don’t know a lot of people in LA and at the beginning I had no idea where or how to start, but I just knocked on doors and reached out to people I’ve always wanted to collaborate or work with. From the producers of Parts Unknown to few other inspiring people in Los Angeles, I decided to put myself out there and be brave to tell them what I really want to do in life. I know I’m absolutely nobody but when you have a dream you gotta be brave enough to pick up the ball. Even though their final answer was no, but I’m grateful they gave me positive feedbacks and support. I also learn sometimes when you don’t know where to start, just take whatever it is in front of you and begin from there. I pushed myself to sign up for few dance classes and really just pole dance my heart out in LA. Who knew it was scary to dance in a new studio with new instructors and new girls, but I told myself well it’s not everyday you get to train with the best girls in Los Angeles, so don’t be shy. Put on your dance shoes, show up, and dance your heart out. From there, you just have to figure out what’s your next step. One step at a time.

Sometimes I’d ask myself, what if I fail? Do I need plan B? But looking back to when I left home 11 years ago with very little money and a luggage full of dreams, I never thought about plan B or what if I fail at all. I just wanted to see the world, work in the entertainment industry with people from different backgrounds..but to get there, I know I have to work really hard. Try everything and have faith. So, as long as I keep trying, keep putting one foot in front of the other then I will be alright. I’m gonna make it. Bigger and better. Sure, I have fear but I wouldn’t let fear stop me. I know I am gonna make it because I work hard and did everything I could. From moving to Nice and learn French for two months, to writing two books and creating my podcast, still writing for magazines too - it is truly nice to know that in the end of the day I still do things that meant a lot for me. Still learning so much about myself and life and dealing with a bunch of failures too ( which never easy ) but I learn to appreciate my progress through every delays. To accept that anything worthwhile takes time. To trust the process and be patient because God has bigger and better plans than what I had for myself. To be grateful because in the end of the day my blessings are bigger than my problems. I still have a huge mountain and bigger dreams waiting in front of me, don’t even know where to start but perhaps just one step at a time and faith things will soon fall into its own rightful place in its own time and at its own pace...no amount of rushing it will make things happen any the quicker. Patience is the name of the game....whatever will be, will be!

So now, just enjoy. Just keep creating while in waiting. Keep learning something. Stay curious. Live and love without fear.

“I am learning to live and love
Without counting the cost…
Without reasons and assurances that nothing will be lost”

Paris, 2019